Beast Wars' Lord of the Rings Humour version
by Super Metal Sonic
Summary: The Beast warriors and other Transformers decides to make a comical version of Lord of the Rings.Can Waspinator save Cybertron? read to find out.
1. The Prologue

Super Metal Sonic: Hasbro owns the rights to Beast wars 

**Rattrap:** And J.R.R. Tolkien owns Lord of the rings.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

Chapter 1: Prologue

The screen is blank as we hear Rattrap talking.

"_The world is changing. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air (thought it could be those beans Rhinox ate). Much of what was once is now lost, due to the fact no one wrote it down"_

The title "Lord of the Rings" appears. The scene changes to show Optimus prime, Galvatron and Starscream staring at something and as we pull out we see their looking through a Playbot magazine.

"_Hey!"_

Hiding the magazine, the three bots quickly hold out three Rings and stare at them.

"_Eons ago, Rings of power were created to govern the land of Middle Cybertron. Three went to the Generation One beings, who have too many to count"_

Switch now to Sideways and six generic Armada Transformers raising their Rings as if in a toast.

"_Seven to the Armada beings, who are nicknamed "the midget catchers"_

The scene switches to Rampage and eight generic Maximals and Predacons, who look from their Rings to the camera.

"_And nine to the Beast warriors, best of the shows"_

A map is now seen, focusing on the land of Goredor.

"_But they were all deceived. For in the fires of Mount MOOD! The Dark Lord Unicron forged a Master Ring. And into this Ring he poured his malice, his hatred and his love of Terry Pratchett. One Ring to rule them all"_

Show Unicron putting the Ring on his finger.

"_And so it came to past that a final alliance of the Beast Warriors and G1ers marched to Goredor and initiated a battle for the future of Middle Cybertron"_

A massive battle commences. Get use to it.

"_Things were going quite well..."_

We see Primus, King of Iacon, heroically slaying an enemy a quarter of his size while Optimus Prime, king of the land of lotsofcash, simply drove over them in his truck mode.

"..._Until a certain Dark Lord entered the fray"_

A loud boom is heard, followed shortly by a second. Everyone turns to see Unicron, wearing the Ring, approach. Three times the size of anyone present and even stronger than that, Unicron starts to smash the G1/Beast Warriors with his massive mace. Primus charges the goliath and a second later becomes a smear on the far rock face. His son, and the new King of Iacon, Bluestreak witnesses this sight and rushes over to his father's gooey corpse. As he laments, Unicron sneaks up behind him. Bluestreak manages to detect Unicron and reaches for Primus' sword. Unfortunately, Unicron steps on the sword as Bluestreak lifts it, leaving the young king with the hilt and a jagged bit of the blade.

"_Just when all hope seemed lost, Bluestreak took up his father's blade and, in the biggest fluke of history, cut the Ring from Unicron's hand"_

We see this happens. Unicron explodes.

"_Left with the Ring, Bluestreak had this one chance to destroy this evil forever. Any bets on what he did?"_

We see Bluestreak a few days later, wearing the Ring around his neck. We then see him getting mauled by a wild horde of fans.

"_The Ring, having successfully betrayed Bluestreak to his enemies, lay at the bottom of the riverbed for centuries, waiting for a new, and much smarter, host"_

We see a hand scooping the Ring up.

"_It was in for a big disappointment_"

We now see that it is an ant bot that has the Ring. A generic Maximal walks up to him.

"Hey Scavenger, what that?" the Maximal asked, as Scavengerreplied, "It seems to be a ring of some sort"

"Can I see?"

"NO! It's mine! It's my birthday present!"

"Dude your birthday is not for another three months"

"What your point?"

"It's just a stupid ring"

"You insulted the Queen! BUUUURRRRNNNN!"

Scavenger whips out a flamethrower and melts the nameless Maximal. He then looks lovingly at the Ring.

"My Queeeeeen..."

"_And so the Ring twisted Scavenger's mind and body for the next few centuries. Now called Inferno, the ant bot used the Ring to prolong his life. Why? Who knows? Then one day. The Ring, sensing its master was rebuilding his armies, left Inferno to return to its master. Well that and it was fed up of Inferno calling it "My Queen" all the time. However the Ring had the misfortune to be picked up by the unlikeliest of Transformers imaginable."_

"Hey a ring" Rook said as he picks up the Ring and examines it when a terrifying yell is heard from a distance.

"The Queen! Someone has stolen the Queen!" hearing this Rook quickly says "Umm bye" before running off as fast as he can.

"_And so it was that the Ring went to the bire, the home of the Minicons. A place where, many years later, young Waspinator Baggins will carry the fate of the world in his hands"_

We see Waspinator walk on to the screen and says, "Oooh, Zzugar"

"_Well, we dead"_

And with that we see Rattrap going off to get a drink.

To be continued...

**Super Metal Sonic: **That was good so, Review or we'll kill Bob Skir.

**Rattrap:** And that's supposed to be a bad thing?

**Super Metal Sonic:** Shut up!


	2. The discovery

**Super Metal Sonic:** Hasbro owns the rights to Beast wars

**Rattrap:** And J.R.R. Tolkien owns Lord of the rings.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

**Chapter 2: The story begins**

We see a young Predacon by the name of Waspinator Baggins reclining against a tree in the Bire, taking in all of nature's beauty. Occasionally he would shift to wasp mode and tries to sting a few of the passing birds or deers, but for the most part he quietly sat and thought. Presently he hears a horse and carriage coming down the path a few feet away from him. Excited, Waspinator got up and ran to the edge of the path, where a gorilla bot wearing a grey robe and pointy hat was riding the carriage towards the house known as The End.  
"Primal late" Waspinator said to the robot. The gorilla bot lifts his head to look at Waspinator, revealing that he is the powerful wizard Primal the Grey.  
"A wizard is never late, Waspinator Baggins, nor is he early" Primal said to Waspinator, "He arrives precisely when he means to, which is when someone is needed to sacrifice themselves in a blaze of pyrotechnics" after a brief moment of silence the two bots burst out laughing and Waspinator leapt onto the cart.

Some minutes later, Primal and Waspinator had ridden into the heart of the Bire, where the resident Minicons welcomed/threw rotten fruit respectively at the wizard, who gave Waspinator a quizzical look.  
"After Primal took Rook on that adventure zzome years back, a few Miniconzz declared Primal a "Disturber of the Peace" Waspinator told Primal, who was taking pot shots at the flying fruit and then replied, "Oh and what does that mean?" Waspinator then answered "Not much, just that everyone can legally pelt Primal with rotten fruit..." Primal swore as he narrowly avoids getting hit on the head by a sheep that was thrown at him, "...or livestock" Waspinator finished saying. Eventually, the duo reached The End, where Waspinator's gardener and best friend Terrorsuar Gamgee greeted them. The two Predacons leave to prepare for the party as Primal knocks on Rook's door.  
"Primal good to see you again" Rook said as he let Primal into his house, "So" Primal said, "Looking forward to the party?"  
  
"I sure am I've got a great surprise for everyone"  
  
"It's not going to be like your last surprise is it? I still got tapioca pudding in my ears from it"

A few hours later we see Waspinator, walking amongst the other Minicons as the party rages on, sitting next to Terrorsaur. Following his friend's gaze, the wasp sees a female Maximal by the name of Airazor sitting at the next table, "Terrorsaur gonna ask Bird-bot to dance?" Waspinator asked, Terrorsaur then replied, "I don't know, what if she laughs?" A small distance away, we see Nightscream Meriadoc and Cheetor Took fiddling with a rocket of sorts.  
"Are you sure about this?" Nightscream asked Cheetor, who replied, "Of course, when have any of my plans ever gone wrong?"  
  
"Three hours ago, remember? The plan involving Leader-one, a roll of flypaper and half a ton of bear grease? Now there's a scene that will be in my nightmares for weeks"  
  
"Okay, I admit that plan was somewhat ill-judged. But THIS one is pure gold! Honest!"

"So what is the plan?"

"We fire this..." Cheetor reads the label on the rocket, "..."Surface to Surface Missile" that Primal brought with him and liven this party up a bit"

"Sounds good to me!"

Cheetor pushes a button marked "Activate". The missile shoots into the sky before crashing right in the middle of the party. The resulting explosion sends Minicons flying everywhere. Cut back to Cheetor and Nightscream, both of whom look a bit spooked.

"..."Nightscream said as Cheetor says, "That...might not have been a fancy firework" Nightscream then said "I bet we'll get blamed for this" a voice behind them then said "You're not wrong". The two Maximals turned around to see a seriously mad and singed Primal glaring at them.  
"Eep"

An hour later Rook stepped up on to a stage, faced the audience and said, "Now that things have quieted down a bit..." cut to Primal, Cheetor and Nightscream. The wizard has both Maximals in an extremely complicated and painful submission move.  
"Apologize, damn you!" Primal said, tightening his grip while Nightscream said, "No!" Cheetor then added "A thousand times no!" Back with Rook, "...now as you I'm all about telling the truth, So I have no problem telling you that I emptied all your bank accounts and I'm leaving to live it up in the G1 land of Lotsofcash" there was a load yell of "What?" while Rook quickly puts on the Ring and disappears

Rook arrives at The End and enters were he is immediately pick up by Primal, "How did you get here?" Rook ask, Primal then answered, "I flew here and you left the back door open"

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk to you about that ring of yours"

"What ring?"

"Oh for the love of mustard, that slagging ring that your fonding in a increasingly disturbing way"

"Oh that ring" Rook said as he allows Primal the tiniest glimpse of the Ring.

"Yes, that ring. Where, precisely, did you find it?"

"NO! You can't have it! It's mine! My Queeeeeeeeeen..." said Rook suddenly. Primal had a look on his face as if wondering where he could find a straight jacket for Rook, "My Queen?" he then said "I've heard others use that phrase before, but..." "Ohhhh, I see your game now" Rook snapped suddenly, "You're trying to distract me and take the ring for yourself! Well, it won't work you crook!" "ROOK BAGGINS!" Primal Roared angrily. Focus on Rook as he backs away from Primal, a look of utter terror on his face. Cut back to Primal, who had morphed into his truly terrifying Transmetal form (The terror of the Michael Jackson look alike)** "**I'M NOT TRYING TO ROB YOU..." Primal transforms back to his normal self,** "**...I'm trying to help you. The robbing comes later"  
  
"Primal, I'm sorry" Rook says as he hugs Primal, "Well, I'm off!" Rook then quickly packs up a few belongings and heads for the door. A cough from Primal stops him.  
"Rook" Primal said as he face the Minicon, "You still have the ring" Rook drops the Ring and is about to leave when Primal coughs again "I left the ring" Rook quickly said and Primal replied "The ring. Yes the ring. Now how about giving me back my wallet?" Rook, after some 'gentle persuasion' from the wizard, gives Primal back his wallet and heads off towards Lotsofcash. Primal stared after him for a moment before examining the Ring on the floor. As his fingers touch it, we and the wizard see a large tongue surrounded by flame. Primal looks perturbed.

Some time later Primal is sitting in front of the fire in The End, smoking his pipe. As he sits there pondering his last words with Rook, Waspinator enters the house and says "Rook, Where are..." Waspinator enters the room where Primal is, his face falls, "Rook iz gone, izn't Rook?" This startles Primal back to awareness. He turns around and smiles at Waspinator, "I'm afraid so. But on a brighter note, he's left you The End and all that is within it" A shrill lunatic cackling can be heard coming somewhere. Waspinator looks spooked as Primal puts the Ring in an envelope and seals it some wax. He hands it to Waspinator and then makes for the door.  
"Where's Primal going?" Waspinator asked, Primal answered "Nowhere special, just to an ancient archive to see if that ring is actually the harbringer of a terrible and evil doom"  
"Oh. OK!"

Cut now to Goredor, where Inferno is being tortured by the Nine Ringwraiths. After much yelling and trashing about, the ant-bot screams out four words, "BIRE! BAGGINS! BOB SKIR!"  
"Okay, so the Ring is in the Bire with some bot named Baggins but who's this 'Bob Skir' guy?" one of the Ringwraiths asked his leader, Rampage, Who simply said, "Who cares? Kill them all I say". The Ringwraiths ride out of Goredor. Meanwhile, Primal has arrived at the archive and is being shown to the documents he needs by Thundercracker, the keeper of the archive, and his assistant, Bob Skir.

"We don't get many wizards around these parts, you know" Thundercracker said to Primal as they walk down the stair they were on, Primal then said "Yes, yes, as you've told me nine times already. Just show me the documents!" Thundercracker leads Primal to a large chamber stacked to the rafters with old documents. Primal boggles at the sight.

"THIS is the documentation of the last War?!?" he said to Thundercracker who said, "Hmm? Oh no, this is only the appendix. Over there are the actual papers on the last War" Primal follows Thundercracker's finger to a line of seventeen vaults. Vault No. 1 is marked with the words 'The last War: Books 1-1,000,000. Primal stares at the vaults in mute horror.

Ten hours later, and ravaged by an overabundance of coffee, Primal stared at Book 2,000,022 with manic eyes under the worried gaze of Thundercracker.  
"This is ridiculous!" Primal yelled, throwing a number of scrolls in to the air, "Where the hell is Bluestreak's account of the One Ring? Why are all these books filled with grooming routines of Primus' pet dogs?!? ARRRRGH!" "Wait...did you say that you're looking for documents on Bluestreak and that Ring of his?" Thundercracker piped up,

"Yes. Why?"

"Well, shucks! All ya had to do was use the DVD player in the corner", Bob Skir then said

"...What?" Primal said, his eyes bugging out

"Yep, everything you wanted to know about Bluestreak and the One Ring all on one handy, time saving disc"

"Why...didn't...you...tell...me...this...before?!?" Primal said, his left eye twitching like mad, Thundercracker noticing this quickly ran off as fast as he could while his assistant said, "Well, y'all looked so determined with yer pointy hat and long flowing robes that I...say, what're y'all gonna do with that table?"

Minutes later, and with the battered form of Bob Skir lying peacefully on the ground behind him, Primal activated the DVD player and watched as a picture of Bluestreak filled the TV screen. The former King of Iacon turns ,smiles at the camera and says, "Hi there! If you're watching this special Collector's Edition DVD, then you're obviously wondering if your ring is in fact the One Ring of Evil and Doom" Bluestreak gets up and walks over to a roaring fireplace. Standing on the other side of the fireplace is Skywarp, who's grinning cheesily at the camera, "To find out the truth, simply use this test. First take your ring..." a ring magically appears in Skywarp's hand, "...and chuck it into the nearest fire" Skywarp does so "After a second or two, pull the ring out of the fire – remember to use tongs, now – and check the ring for any mysterious G1ish writing" Skywarp pulls the ring out of the fire and shows it to the camera. It's a melted mess, but there is nothing on it.  
"Now remember: if the ring is clear, then there's nothing to fear! If writing there be, better you than me!" Bluestreak said and Skywarpadded, "And that's a guarantee!" The duo give the thumbs up sign as the words "Warning – not an actual guarantee" flash on the bottom of the screen. The TV switches off.  
"Well...that's just Prime" Primal said as he gets up to leave.

Cut now to a road not far from where we just left to see Bob Skir walking down the road saying, "Geez, what was that bot's problem?" Suddenly Rampage rides towards Bob Skir on horseback, drawing his sword with obvious intent.

"Oh bloody he..."

SLICE!

To be continued...

**Super Metal Sonic: **Please Review.

**Waspinator:** Or Crab-bot will come after Reader-bot


	3. The Journey

**Super Metal Sonic:** OK. First of all I would like to thank everyone for their reviews. Second, no, I haven't given up on this fic; I've just been busy.

**Megatron:** Well, if you haven't spent all this time play games and writing Sonic and Spyro fanfics…

**Super Metal Sonic:** Shut up Megs, Anyway here's the disclaimer.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

**Chapter 3: The Journey Begins**

We see Waspinator sitting in The End, reading a number of Spider-man comic books, when suddenly Optimus Primal comes in, and crashing through the window.

"Sorry, I thought that window was opened." Optimus said as he stands up. Before Waspinator can say anything, Optimus asks, "Where's the Ring?" and on finding it, he quickly throws it into the fire.

A few minutes later, Optimus picks the Ring out with tongs and says, "Hold out your hand, I assure you it's quite cool".

Optimus the drops the Ring into Waspinator's Open palm, where it immediately starts to smoke and sizzle,

"EEEAAAGGHHHHHHHHH!" Waspinator screams as he waves his flaming hand about.

"Oops"

A few minutes later, Waspinator is holding the Ring in his bandaged hand, "See any symbols?" Optimus asks,

"No. Wait, Wazzpinator zzeesz G1izzh writing"

"It is as I feared then"

"What?"

"Roughly translated the words means "This is the One Ring to rule the world. "If found please return to Unicron, the dark lord, or he'll rip you wossenames off"".

"Zzo what does Primal and Wazzpinator do now?"

"I will go to the Nemesis, to seek wisdom from the head of my order, I will then meet you in the town of AIEE, in the Prancing Dinobot. Now you must hurry, for Unicron's minions are on their way here", as Waspinator packs, Optimus then says, "Now, all you need is a lackey who, not only be a coward to make you look more heroic, but can also be used as a shield, should the need arise"

At this precise moment, Terrorsaur then enters The End, "Hey Waspy, do you- oh, Mister Primal, why are you doing here… and why are you looking at me like that?"

A few hours later, in Farmer Rhinox's corn field. We see Waspinator and Terrorsaur, in what I'm sure is an important discussion,

"I'm telling you, Shadow is way cooler then Sonic"

"No way" Waspinator replies while playing a Gameboy Advance.

Suddenly, Cheetor and Nightscream crash right into them,

"Get off of us" Terrorsaur yelled as Cheetor and Nightscream stand up, holding a number of vegetables.

"Cheetor! When I get my hands on you!" Rhinox's voice is heard in the distant,

"You stole those vegetables from Farmer Rhinox?"

After a short moment of silence Cheetor says, "I took his pills." He then reads the label, "Take one every hour to avoid Vehicon-Rage".

At this, the four Beast warriors gave each other a worried look.

"Vehicon-Rage?"

An angry yell is suddenly heard, followed by the sound of someone turning into their evil self,

"TANKORR SMASH PUNY THIEVES!"

"Slag!"

We then see the heroes run for their lives from the tank general.

Meanwhile, Optimus arrives at the purple tower known as the Nemesis, but is really just a warship standing on its side, where he hopes he can receive wisdom and guidance. A fellow wizard stands at the entrance to greet Optimus, A black and gold bot with a purple face and dressed in white robes. It is Megatron the White.

"Ah, if it isn't Optimus Primal, come to seek my wisdom and gid-"

THWACK!

"Son of a…" Megatron swore as he clutched at his nose and then glares at the rake he stepped on. "I told those Insecticons, if they wanted to work for me, not to leave their gardening tools lying around"

The duo enters the Nemesis and processed to his chambers.

"So, the Ring is in the bire." Megatron said

"All these years and I never noticed"

"Yesss, your affection for the Half-bots blind you"

"What are implying?" Optimus asked facing Megatron

"Well, I'm not one to gossip but people are talking."

"What people? What are you talking about?"

"Oh look, we're here." Megatron said, quickly changing the topic.

Primal stares in shock, for in the centre of the room is the seeing-device known as the Diagnostic Drone, sitting on a pedestal.

"Megatron, you know it's too dangerous to use the Diagnostic Drone, when there are still many of their number to account for." Optimus says, as he quickly drapes a cloth over it. As he does so, Optimus sees the same flaming tongue he saw when he touched the Ring.

"You saw it too, Yesss, A great tongue, with no coating, tasting out the location of the Ring. Rest assured, it will find the Ring and it will kill anyone one in its way."

"Waspinator" Optimus said and then turns to leave but, with a wave of his hand, Megatron closes the door.

"Do you not see the only choice available, old friend?" Megatron says, "We must join with him," the camera then zooms in for a dramatic close up on Megatron's face, "We must serve Unicron",

We then cut to Optimus, who now wears a sadden expression.

"Tell me… friend, when did Megatron the White replace reason with madness?"

"Oh, about last Tuesday, launch time" Megatron then replies,

"Really? Well that explains why you were running around in a chicken suit, yelling, "I'M THE LIZARD QUEEN" at the Annual Wizard's Picnic"

"Enough talk, Primal! Will you join me?"

"No!" Optimus yells,

"Very well. I saddens me to be the one to send you on your way to oblivion, yesss" Megatron then points his staff at Optimus and invokes a powerful incantation. The room is then filled with a bright light, when the light fades Optimus is on the ground, unconscious with Shrapnel standing behind him holding a large mallet.

oooooooo

Nighttime, at the door to the town of AIEE!

"Man, what a weird day." Cheetor said, falling to the ground due to exhaustion.

"Let's go to the bar and wait for Mister Primal" Terrorsaur said, as he picks Cheetor up.

"Excuzze Wazzpinator, but izz Primal here?" Waspinator asks the barkeeper, as the four heroes enter the bar,

"Sorry, haven't seen him for a week" the barkeeper replies, "Who's that? Cheetor asks, pointing to a silver, red and blue mech with rat head shoulder pads,

"Him? He's a Ranger, he is only known as Vermin," the Barkeeper answers.

"So what should we do?" Nightscream asks,

"Well if we keep quite about Waspy's identity, we should be safe" Terrorsaur answers.

"Waspinator Baggins? Sure I know him", turning round, Waspinator and the others see Cheetor, slightly drunk, talking to some thugs,

"CHEETOR!" Terrorsaur and Nightscream yell, as they run off to shut him up, they knock Waspinator over. The Ring is sent flying and somehow falls on Waspy's finger, causing him to vanish to the shock of the other patrons and the interest of Vermin.

Waspinator stands up to find himself in a shadowy world with a giant tongue surround by flames,

"I CAN TASTE YOU!"

Scared beyond belief, Waspinator fanatically pulls at the Ring, almost ripping his hand off. As he appears back in the real world, Waspinator is grabbed from behind and is dragged away.

To be continued…

**Super Metal Sonic: **Please Review.


	4. Rattrap and the Ringwraiths

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

**Chapter 4: Rattrap and the Ringwraths**

Waspinator is shoved into one of the inn's rooms, turning round, he sees he was dragged to the room by Vermin.

"Dat was an impressive trick ya did, young half-bot," Vermin said, "but a dangerous one as it has most likely brought ya to the attention of the Ringwraiths".

Cut to show Rampage and the other Ringwraiths race towards AIEE!

Cutting back to the Prancing Dinobot, we see Terrorsaur, Cheetor and Nightscream busting into the room armed with the first thing they could grab,

"Harm Waspy and we'll… hit you with sit cushions and a bowl of peanuts." Terrorsaur lamely finished as Cheetor took another swig of his beer he brought up with him.

"Ya 've nothing to worry about." Vermin replied, "My name is Rattrap,"

"Then why does everyone calls you Vermin" Nightscream asked,

"It's something the barkeeper keeps calling me. So I eat garbage and chew holes in the walls, I'M A RAT! It what we do." Rattrap said as he transformed into his beast mode and began gnawing a hole into a nearby wall. Rattrap then takes four swords out from the hole he gnawed and tossed them to Waspinator and the others.

"You'll need those, now get some rest. We leave tomorrow"

Later that night, we see Rampage and the Ringwraiths, standing over our heroes' beds. Rampage then slowly reach towards the cover and flings them aside.

"Oh Gooflap".

We now cut to Rattrap, Waspinator, Terrorsuar, Nightscream and Cheetor sitting around a fire in a field not far away from the town of AIEE!

"I still don't get why we have to spend the night in this field and not in the beds that we booked" Cheetor said as he lay back on the sleeping bad he was giving.

"'Cause the Ringwraiths will 've sense da Ring being used" Rattrap explained, "And if my guess is right, they shold've found my demolition charges roight about NOW!"

At that moment we see the town of AIEE! blown up in ball of flame, much to the surprise of Cheetor, Nightscream and Terrorsuar (Waspinator was too busy beating Eggman on his Gameboy Advance to notice). Even Rattrap was surprised,

"Er…guess I used too much explosives".

Cutting to the morning we see Rattrap, Waspinator and Terrorsuar ready to leave while Cheetor and Nightscream are still sitting around where the fire had been,

"Ok. If we keep dis way, we can reach the old Lookout Post for shelter tonight." Rattrap said, holstering his sword.

"What about breakfast?" Cheetor asked,

"Ya had it"

"Yes, but what about second breakfast?"

Rattrap just turns and walks on,

"I don't think he's heard of second breakfast." Nightscream said,

"What about third or fourth?" Cheetor asked nervously, "What about elevenis?"

Rattrap then tosses Cheetor an apple and the five heroes continued; by night they reach the Lookout Post and go to sleep.

Later, Waspinator wakes up due to the sound of sizzling and the smell of something frying to see Nightscream, Cheetor and Terrorsuar sitting around a fire with Rattrap nowhere in sight.

"Good morning, Mister Sleepy, you're just in time for breakfast" NightScream said, midway through eating a sausage,

"We saved some sausages for you Waspy"

"What izz Cat-bot and otherzz doing!" Waspinator yelled,

"We've told you, breakfast" Cheetor replied,

"Put the fire out before itzz zzeen!"

"Too late!"

Waspinator turn round to see Rampage and three of the other Ringwraiths, standing on the edge of the tower and drawing their swords, drawing there own swords, Waspinator and the others prepared to defend themselves.

"You know what? Slag this sword stuff!" Rampage said, as he pulled out his missile launcher and fired.

"RUN!" Nightscream yelled as he, Terrorsuar and Cheetor jumped out of the way. Unfortunate for Waspinator, Cheetor tripped him up and he fell face first into the missile.

After a brief moment of looking at Waspinator's parts, laying on the ground, Nightscream and Terrorsaur glared at Cheetor while Rampage and the Ringwraiths advance towards them.

Suddenly a shrill noise filled the air, causing Rampage and the wraiths to fall to the ground screaming in pain.

"I leave to take a wiz and ya lot get into trouble," Rattrap said, wearing earplugs and holding a stereo.

"What is that noise?" Cheetor asked

"A collection of Backstreet Boys song"

"MAKE IT STOP!" Rampage screamed in pain while Rattrap and the others gathered Wasp's part and left.

To be continued…

**Super Metal Sonic: **Please Review.


	5. The Followship begins

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

**Chapter 5**

Back in the Nemesis, we see Megatron using the Diagnostic Drone to talk Unicron.

"My lord, soon the Ring will be found and all of Middle Cybertron will be yours, yessss"

"Excellent" Unicron said, "Now you will build me an Army of Darkness to rule the land with"

"Of course my lord and you shall have it, yessss"

"And I want it by Monday"

"But that's two days from now!"

"BY MONDAY OR I'LL SEND YOU PASSED THE EDGE OF PAIN AND PUT YOU IN A FATE WORSE THEN A FATE WORSE THEN DEATH!"

"Nooooo! Anything but the Barney and friends sing along," Megatron begged, "I would rather star in a new series Beast Machines written and directed by Bob Skar then listen to that, yesssssssss! On second thought, I would rather be dead"

"Then build the army by Monday"

Unicron's presence then left as Shrapnel, Kickback and Bombshell came into the room.

"Hey boss, so what's the plan, plan?" Shrapnel asked as he approached Megatron,

"The Dark Lord wants an army by Monday, so we must build with haste, Insecticons, bring me the spare parts and the raw materials"

"Where are they kept, kept?"

"Storage room ten" Megatron replied

"Gulp s-s-s-s-storage room ten?" Kickback said

"Yesss, storage roo- what did you do?" Megatron said as he noticed the worried looks on the Insecticons' faces,

"Well… you remember when we were short on food that one week and also that we need to keep our clones well fed?"

Megatron, realising what Kickback was saying, storm towards the terrified trio, "You mean to tell me, that your clone ATE THE PARTS!" Megatron yelled.

Scared beyond belief, Shrapnel jumps into Bombshell arms, who in turn leaps into Kickback's arms and Kickback, too scared to realise what he doing, jumps into a surprised Megatron's arms.

Realising what they just did, the Insecticons leap out of Megatron's arms and run to the wall as far away from Megs as they can.

"YOU DOLTS, DON'T YOU KNOW MY VERY EXCESTINCE AND SANITY HANGS ON MAKING UNICRON'S ARMY IN TWO DAYS!"

"Wait, wait, we can fix, we can FIX IT!" Bombshell squealed

"How?" Megatron said, rising an optic ridge suspiciously

"Just let us make one quick phone call"

Half an hour later, a swam of Sharkticons can be seen dragging trees made of Energon to a factory underneath Megatron's tower.

"As you can see, with this plant you'll have an army of Terrorcons ready to destroy by Sunday." Alpha Q said as he showed Megatron the work being done.

"Yessss. Thank you," Megatron then turned and faced the Insecticons, "What did you do with Primal?"

"Oh, we put him at the top of the tower, tower"

"The top of the tower?"

"Yes, yes"

"With no walls and ceiling?"

"Yep, yep"

"Did you at least chained him down?"

"Why, why?"

As if to answer Megatron's question, the sounds of jets as they look up and see Primal flying away.

"Oh, oh"

Meanwhile with our heroes,

"Hey Terror. What's green, gold and looks like a Pikachu?"

"I think that's Waspy's knee joint, Nightscream."

"Do you think he needs this?" Cheetor asked, holding up one of Waspinator's parts

"Unless Waspy wants to be a mime for the rest of his life, I think the answer is yes"

As he watched the three friends fix Waspinator, Rattrap watched the pained look on Waspy's face, "Hey Spots," he said pointing towards Cheetor, "Go and get a blue flower with red thorns, it'll help relieve the pain and keep Waspinator online till we can get him fixed",

Nodding to show he understood, Cheetor runs off into the forest,

One minute later,

"Where the Pit I'm I going to find a blue flower with red thorns" Cheetor yelled when he realised he was standing right beside a bush of blue flower, he then got caught by someone.

Half an hour later, Waspinator started to think that he was going mad as a plant come out of the woods and started talking to him, Waspinator then realised the plant was really a Transformers named Botanica.

"What are you doing here?" Rattrap asked, specking in a G1 language only Botanica could understand,

"I came to warn you," Botanica replied in the same language, "the Ringwraiths are after you. Three on the west bank and two on the east, as for the other four, I do not know"

As Rattrap listened, he places the Semi-conscious Waspinator onto his one of the houses and told Botanica, "You're the fastest rider out of all of us, take him the to the land of lotsofcash."

Botanica nodded as she got onto the house and rode off.

As she rode through the woods, Botanica saw Rampage and the rest of Ringwraiths riding after her, as they reach a stream, the nine Wraiths stop.

"Gives us the wasp and I promise your death won't hurt… too much" Rampage said as he and the Wraiths drew their swords,

Drawing her own sword Botanica said, "If you want him, come and get him"

The Wraiths started charging when a wave suddenly started coming towards them,

"Oh… Slag" Rampage said before he was washed away.

When Waspinator woke, he saw Primal sitting beside his bed, "Good morning Waspinator, it's good to see you awake",

"Primal safe?"

"Yes, I apologise for not meeting you but everything didn't go as planned".

Later, we see Primal and Optimus Prime talking.

"What do you mean we can't keep it here?" Primal asked,

"Exactly that, Unicron will find it, all this will only delay him." Prime replied, " beside it gives me the creeps, those big bug like eyes and that annoying way it talks"

"Umm… we're talking about the Ring, not Waspinator"

"Hmm? Oh yeah sorry, but the point is the same. Unicron will eventfully find it."

"Then we shall destroy it"

"But who? Us G1ers will leave this place soon; we've bought a condo Florida and the Armada are too busy chasing those Minicons too worry about anything else."

"The Beast Warriors shall take care of it" Primal answered,

"Ever since Bluestreak failed to destroy the Ring, the Beast Warriors have been divided." Prime said bitterly,

"But if the heir of Bluestreak's throne takes his rightful place as King of Iacon, they will be united."

"Him? You're joking right? Not only does he pay too much attention to Botanica, he smell really bad!"

"Well he is a rat. Anyway why should Rattrap and Botanica being in love be a problem?"

"They're a rat and a plant, what'll the kids look like?"

And we'll leave these two Optimuses (or whatever the plural is) as they stare in horror at the images of rat/plant fuzors in their heads. Later, we see Primal, Waspinator, Prime and Rattrap are in meeting with representative from each show.

"We've call you all here so that we can discuss on this dark fate that has befallen us," Primal then turned to Waspinator, "Bring it forth"

Waspinator then put the Ring onto a pedestal and as the bots whispered hurriedly to each other, Dinobot, representative for the Beast Warriors and son to the steward of Iacon, stood up.

"Don't you see this is a blessing? For years my father has hold back the minions of Unicron, give Iacon the Ring and we can destroy forever."

"Your nuts Lizard lips," Rattrap said, "da Ring will only obey Unicron and use everyone else."

"And who are you to throw opportunity away?" Dinobot snarled back.

"He is Rattrap, descendent of Bluestreak, and the king of Iacon," said Tigertron, one of the G1 representatives.

As more murmurs go through the crowd, Dinobot replied, "Iacon has no king, just an empty throne, it needs no King."

Putting his hand up to silence the groups of Transformers, Prime said, "Rattrap is right. The Ring is too dangerous to use it must be destroyed."

Quickstrike, a member of the Armada representatives, stood up and yelled, "Then what are we waiting for, Partner!" and slammed his axe down onto the Ring only to see the axe shatter and his helmet flying off and hitting Galvatron.

"Only the Fires of Mount MOOD can destroy it" Primal said as Quickstrike stood back up.

"So now, we must choose who to send"

Soon the room is filled with noise as the bots argued and in some cases wrestled with each other, until Waspinator yelled,

"Waspinator will take the Ring," as the crowd quietened, he added, "Thought Waspinator does not know the way"

Primal, with a smile, said, "Then I shall help you."

"You'll also have my sword" Rattrap said,

"And my bow" Tigertron added,

"And my axe" Quickstrike added as well,

After while Dinobot says, "Very well brave one, I shall join you"

"Very well the fate of the world lies in the hand of you six" Prime said, when Terrorsaur ran out of his hiding place, "Waspy isn't going anywhere without me there to help."

"Nor does it seem we can keep you apart when one of you is called to this meeting and the other isn't",

Cheetor and Nightscream then choose that moment to come out of their hiding place,

"Hey, wait we're coming too." Nightscream said,

"Yeah," Cheetor said, "You need smart guys like us for this Quest…Mission…Thing"

"Well that leaves you out".

"Nine mechs brought together by one purpose. So you will be known as The Fellowship of the Ring" Prime said with dramatics.

"Great!" Cheetor said, "Where we're going?"

To be continued…

**Super Metal Sonic: **Please Review.


	6. The Mine of DOOM

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Beast wars' Lord of the Rings (humour version)**

**Chapter 6**

We see our heroes, The Fellowship of the Ring, walking across the sunset; not one of them is lacking strength, courage and determination.

"Are we there yet?"

"No"

"Are we there now?"

"No"

"How about now?"

"No"

"Now?"

"NO"

"Well, when are we going to be there?"

"We still have a long walk ahead of us, Cheetor"

a moment silence,

"Are we there yet?"

"RRRAAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! KILL YOU NOW!"

After restraining and sedating Dinobot with horse tranquillisers, the Fellowship stopped to rest and plan their travel route.

"…And after we pass through Polyhex, we'll travel through the gate of Primus" Primal said as the rest of other Maximals and Predacons listened,

"Now hold on there partner," Quickstrike said, taking his pipe out of the mouth of his snakehand, "it seems to me that we all taking the long way around. We can get there quicker by going through the mountain mine of Kalis"

"I wouldn't take the route thought Kalis, unless it was the only chose" Primal replied grimly, "Once we take the path through the gate of Primus we'll cross the river to the east bank and enter Goredor thought that way"

"Yeah, and do you know what's beyond the east bank? A twisting maze of rocks and cave, and after that nothing but marsh as far as the optic can see"

"Um I don't mean to interrupt but why don't we fly there?" Cheetor asked,

"…"

"Shut up Cheetor" Primal replied

"Now hold on, that's a good idea," Quickstrike said,

"Shut up Quickstrike"

"Now Optimus, that's unfair to tell them to shut up"

"Shut up Tigertron"

"Hahaha, for once no one is telling me to shut up" Rattrap laughed,

"Shut up Rattrap"

"Oh well had to end sometime" Rattrap replied with a shrugs.

Suddenly Tigertron looked up, following his gaze, the heroes saw a flock of bird-like transformers flying towards them.

"Hide!" Rattrap said as he and the others ducked behind cover,

"What are those?" Nightscream asked as he watched the avian transformers fly into the distance

"They are the Divebomb Terrorcons, Megatron's spies in the sky. Fast, strong and smart"

Cut to two Divebomb sitting on a sofa and hitting each other on the head.

Cut back to the Fellowship, "Their heading towards Polyhex" Tigertron said,

"Then path through Polyhex will be guarded" Primal said,

"Oh well onward towards Kalis." Quickstrike said, starting toward Kalis. Picking Quickstrike up off the ground, Primal said, "Not so fast, we will that the path through the Ice Mountains".

Cut to Megatron's tower.

"So. They seek to travel through the Ice Mountains," Megatron said as he and the Insecticons watched the Fellowship's journey through the Diagnostic Drone, "would you truly take the path through Kalis, Primal, if there was no other choice?" After a moment of thought, Megatron turned to Shrapnel and said, "Get the stereo and the Transformers the movie soundtrack".

Cut back to the Fellowship as they travel through the mountain.

Cheetor slips and falls backwards into Nightscream, who falls into Terrorsaur, who knocks into Waspinator, causing him to tumble down the small slop they were on. As Waspinator slowly stood up he realised that the Ring wasn't around his neck anymore, looking for it Waspinator saw Dinobot picking the Ring up.

"Amazing how something so small can cause so much fear" Dinobot said, a whisper of a voice talking into his audio receptors.

"Dinobot," Primal said, "Give the Ring to Waspinator"

With a smirk, Dinobot handed the Ring back to Waspinator. Then the ground started shaking as a load voice fills the air.

"What's happening?" Cheetor asked,

"This is the work of Megatron!" Primal said.

We switch scenes to see Megatron standing on top of his tower with a stereo and playing "Instruments of Destruction"

"Yesss…. INSTRUMENTS OF DESTRUCTION! TOOLS OF POWER PLAY!" Megatron sang.

Cutting back to the Fellowship, we see the nine heroes avoiding an avalanche.

"It's too dangerous to continue this way!" Tigertron said,

"Then we'll find another way" Primal replied,

"But any other way will takes weeks" Rattrap said,

"Except for Kalis," Quickstrike said,

Primal hesitated and then said, "Let the Ringbearer decide".

Waspinator shifted nervously from one foot to the other and then answered, "Waspinator zzayz, go through Kalis".

"Kalis, greatest of the Armada mines." Megatron said, sitting in his library with only a candle for light, "But now all there is are Sharkticons and death. But that is not all they found and you know it Primal, that's why you did not wish to take the Kalis path. They dug too deep and awakened something that should not have wakened. Something deep and ancient"

As the Fellowship approached the door that led to Kalis, Quickstrike began to translate the Amardaish writing over the door, "If ye wish, welcome to Kalis, speak friend and enter",

"So what does that mean?" Nightscream asked,

"Simple partner," Quickstrike said, "Ya just say friend and enter, watch," Quickstrike then said the Amarda word for friend but nothing happened.

"Perhaps it would be simper to use the key." Primal said as he held up a key. After entering the mine they were shocked to see the bodies of dead transformers filled the hallway and the evidence for Sharkticons in the mine as well. Gingerly, Primal picked up a tome (That's a book incase you didn't now) from one of the dead Transformer's hands and began to read the last few pages,

"They have taken the bridge and the second hall. We have barred the gates but cannot hold them for long. The ground shakes, drums... drums in the deep. We cannot get out. A shadow lurks in the dark. We can not get out... they are coming."

"Primal," Waspinator said will he and Primal were a distance from the others, "There'zz zzomething down there", Primal turned to look at the red mech that was crawling over the rock below them in the shadows.

"It's Inferno," he said. "He's been following us for sometime now"

"Ant-bot ezzcaped?" Waspinator asked,

"Escaped or realised. Inferno hungers for the Ring like Unicron, blindly serving it, forever the Rings slave."

"Why let a pathetic creature live?"

"When you finally see him. You, like many others, will feel pity for him."

Suddenly, they turned to find a hoard for Sharkticons surrounding them.

"Come on then!" Quickstrike yelled, brandishing his axe, "There's still one Armada Transformer breathing in these mines!"

The Sharkticons and Fellowship then battled when a deep roar and unholy anger filled the hallway, causing the Sharkticons to flee.

"What was that?" Dinobot asked,

"The reason I feared coming into the mines. Awakened when the Armada dug too deep into the mine and released when the Sharkticons invaded… The Tidalwave".

At Primal's final words Tidalwave, a huge Transformer surrounded by flames and holding a flaming sword and whip in his hands, entered the hallway,

"Rattrap I leave the others in your hands. Run for the exit. And do not turn back" Primal said as he began to say a chant. After Rattrap and the others ran a good distance they stopped and turned to see Primal as Tidalwave advanced towards. As Tidalwave towered over him, Primal raised his sword and staff into the air and yelled at the top of his voice, "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" and the stabbed the ground with the staff, causing the stone beneath Tidalwave's feet to break away.

As Tidalwave fell into the darkness below, he cracked his whip, causing it to wrap around Primal's foot and pulling him over the edge.

Holding on to the edge, Primal looked up at the shocked faces of the Fellowship and said, "Run, you fools" before he lost his grip and fell into the darkness as well.

"NNNOOOO!" Waspinator, Terrorsaur, Cheetor and Nightscream yelled as Rattrap, Dinobot, Tigertron and Quickstrike tried to stop them running to Primal. As they reached outside, they slumped onto the ground in sadness, the four half-bot with tears into optics.

Rattrap, a grim and solemn look on his face stood up," Come on, we need to get moving"

"Show some compassion!" Dinobot snarled, indicating towards Waspinator and the others,

"If we don't leave now, we'll be surrounded and none of us are any condition to fight," Rattrap yelled back.

And so the Fellowship left the mines, with harts heavy for the lost member for their group.

To be continued…

**Super Metal Sonic: **Please Review.


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